What do most people do when they feel sad?

They typically try and distract from it.

They eat, they drink, they watch TV, they talk to someone. Some reach for drugs, porn or another “coping skill” of choice. What they typically don’t do is sit with it, feel it and let it pass. It makes sense why this is, sadness hurts. It also brings up fear, doubt, shame and insecurity. It makes us feel bad, and we don’t like to feel bad. The problem is that distracting or masking from sadness doesn’t make it go away. When your drug of choice wears off or you’re back alone with your own thoughts, it will be back.

Eventually, it will always come back.

The more we fight with it and try to bury it, the stronger it gets. Our resistance often gives it strength.

We are actually adding kindling to the fire instead of putting it out.

So how do we actually put out the fire? To put it simply, we surrender to it. We accept it. We accept ourselves. This doesn’t get rid of it right away, but it removes the fight from it. It removes the kindling. Sadness is a part of life and it will come and go. For some, it will come more often and stay longer, but it usually will ebb and flow in and out of our lives.

You can learn to sit with sadness, accept it and then walk away from it. It will not be easy, and it will still come back to visit, but you learn to not make it bigger than it needs to be every time it comes.

 

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